The Style Invitational Week 951 Double over with
laughter
By Pat Myers,
Fast fast: Sacrificing the midmorning
snack break. Also known as Yom Zippur.
Bus buss: For
those who couldn’t leave it at the Kiss-and-Ride.
Ultra-Loser Kevin Dopart, who
suggested this contest, called it “Reduplicatives.” It’s pretty clear: Double a
word, or use a word and its homophone, to make a phrase, and define it, as in
the examples of both types above. If you want to make a triple (or, who knows,
more) go for it.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives — in solemn
commemoration of the recent death of a global dignitary — the Dear Leader
Tongue Scraper, which is your basic dental-device tongue scraper except that
the cardboard packaging features a painting of said scraper being held by Kim
Jong Il as he cavorts on a beach with three young ladies in leotards. Donated by Nan Reiner.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Jan. 3;
results published Jan. 22 (Jan. 20 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant
per week. Include “Week 951” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See contest rules and guidelines at Washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.
The revised title for next week is by both Beverley
Sharp and Chris Doyle; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is
by Elden Carnahan. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at
on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 947, our annual “Tour de Fours” contest, in which we asked for neologisms
including the four-letter block N-O-E-L, in any order
but without any other letters between them:
The winner of the Inker
Groucholenses: How to look at
the world through nose-covered glasses. (Eric Fritz, Silver
Spring, Md.)
2. Winner of the
Santa Dreidel and some stocking coal: iPhonelecher: A tweet-stalking guy.
(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
3. None-liners: Sight gags. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
4. Leno jay: A nocturnal bird
that lays an egg every night at 11:35. (Malcolm Fleschner,
Palo Alto, Calif.)
Fours on the floor: Honorable mentions
Noelevator: How Santa gets
back up the chimney. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Canoe Lips: What other kids
used to call Mick Jagger and Steve Tyler. (David Garratt, Glenn Dale, Md.)
Peonlover: What the other
billionaires call Warren Buffett. (Dave Airozo, Silver
Spring, Md.)
Ole Nam River: Mekong Delta
blues. (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
Faileontology: B-school case
studies on New Coke, Betamax and Edsel. (Pam Sweeney,
Burlington, Mass.)
Danglenosen: German for “You
need a tissue.” (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Coloneye: James Bond flick
where the villain gets it in the end. (Dion Black, Washington)
Neoleisured: Euphemism for
laid off. (Betsy Curtler, Manakin-Sabor, Va., a First Offender)
Kalenog: Worst holiday drink
ever. (Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.)
Non-Elvis: One of about three
people in all of Las Vegas. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington, Va.)
Wifelong friends: The pals
who stop seeing you after the divorce. (Larry Flynn,
Greenbelt, Md.)
Lenoleum: A flat product that
endures long after it’s gone out of style. (Jon Spell, Orem, Utah)
Lenopause: Stage of life when
one thinks “The Tonight Show” is cutting-edge humor. (Nan
Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Phonely: What you are when
your best friend is named Siri. (John McCooey, Rehoboth
Beach, Del.)
Hemidemiseminole: Dubious
applicant for Florida casino profits. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley
City, N.D.)
Felonthropic: What Robin Hood
was. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Elno: The Muppet who’ll be
danged if he’s going to let your grabby little kid tickle him. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.; Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.)
Coenlite: The Farrelly
Brothers. (John McCooey)
Psalmnolence:
Dwelling in the Land of Nod during the sermon. (Chris Doyle)
Enolagay: The bomb you drop
about your sexual orientation. (Anne Kinney, Charlottesville,
Va.; Michael Greene, Alexandria, Va.)
Lonesta: A pill to help the
promiscuous sleep by themselves. (Roger Hammons, North
Potomac, Md.)
Coloneer: A proctologist. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
Meloncholy: Disappointment
with one’s implants. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Meloncoli: Suffering caused
by contaminated fruit. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville, Md.)
Grassy ’Nole: Obscure theory
that JFK was shot by a Florida State alum high on
marijuana. (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)
Beano elocution: An enduring
form of guy talk. (Larry Flynn)
Mole’n’rouge: A flapper’s
makeup set. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Menlo Spark: A blinding flash
of inspiration, following many hours of perspiration. (Jeff Contompasis)
El Nono: The ill wind that
blows no one any good. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Unelope: Run off to get
divorced. (Nancy Israel, Bethesda, Md.)
Stylenoob: A First
Offender. (Chris Doyle)
Sulkenlosers: Entrants who
aren’t in this list. (Mae Scanlan)
Next week: Look back in Inker, or Har we go
again